The Onion

Our heart is like an onion. Everything we put in it becomes a layer, good or bad. When we get saved, Jesus takes our sins. He washes us clean. The onion is still there because the onion is part of us. From the time we are born, the onion is being formed.

As we grow physically and spiritually, this onion is formed. Some of us grow up in a well-balanced environment (no abuse or crisis). So, the onion inside is formed with healthy layers. When we meet the Lord, He washes us clean, forgives our sins, and polishes our onion, then He starts adding His layers.

Others like myself have a damaged onion. When we meet the Lord, He washes us clean, forgives our sins, and then must repair the onion before He adds His layers.  I met the Lord at a young age. I grew up in a Christian home. My father was a minister. Church was a big part of my life.  As I grew up, things happened. I hit the age of eighteen and was disillusioned with church and life. I told God I tried it your way, and nothing worked, so I am going to try it my way. I jumped in the hole of sin and rebellion and kept falling at a full rate of speed. I had no love for myself or others. I wondered the wilderness for about twenty years.

My changing point was after my son died in a home invasion. I was still trying to do it on my own. I was still lost. I was tired of being sick and tired. About a week before my son was murdered, I cried out to the Lord. I wanted my relationship back with Him. I was ready for some peace, but all I seemed to find was sorrow and bad choices.

After my son had died, I moved to a place by Fort Worth, TX. I found a small church in a store front. They loved on us and fixed my car for me. I was walking home one day from work. I heard a voice that stopped me in my tracks. The voice told me I had two choices. The first one is to go home and live for Him or stay here and live for myself. Home was and is Brazoria County. I called my dad, and he came and picked us up.  I was still lost in myself, but now I had direction.  I started giving my life back to the Lord. He started working on me. It was a slow process at first. My onion was rotten and ready to be thrown away. Instead, He pulled it apart and found the seed He planted back in me a long time ago. When I came back home, I was eating with mom at a local restaurant, and I was discouraged. I was tired of starting over. I made a comment to that extent. I went to the bathroom and heard that voice again. He said my foundation was wrong. He had to fix it where He could build on it. The journey was not easy, but once I totally gave Him me and everything that was in my life, it got better. He showed me we don’t have to stay broken.  He can fix us if we let Him.  It will hurt sometimes but will be worth it as we move forward and leave our past behind.

I Surrender

I surrender all to you from the physical to the spiritual things. You have consumed my world. I will move when you move. I will stay when you stay. My heart is  full of all the lessons you have taught me. Help me follow your lead and not chase the dreams of my heart

DROWN ME IN YOUR SPIRIT

I Remember

I remember the days  I could not see past the darkness that consumed my world. I believed all the lies that that were told as truth.  I consumed all the garbage that Satan sent my way. Once, I had enough and dropped to my knees and called on the Lord. My eyes could see the truth. My ears could hear the voice of the Father. He delivered me from the grip of Satan. As I walk with the Lord, Satan is always there trying to entice me to step away. His desire is to destroy the kingdom of God.  He knows that is impossible, so he goes around trying to find the stragglers and pull them away and devour them. Stay close to the Father and stay under His wings.

Let me love you

Why hold on to the things that hurt you. Let God heal your heart. Forgive the ones that have hurt you. Let go of the anger. Let go of the unforgiveness. Learn to forgive yourself. Let God love you. Let Him heal you. Let God recreate you. 4/26/24

Feb. 18th

My sister and my son

Today is the birthday of two important people in my in my life. Helen is my oldest sister.  She lived her life for the Lord. She played the piano, and when she played, the spirit would fall. At the age of 46, she left us to be with the Lord. She was my hero.

The other is my son, Thomas. He was taken at the age of 16 through the act of violence. He was six months clean from drugs. A few months before, he was murdered.  He gave heart back to the Lord.

While I was singing, the Lord showed me both of them. He told me I love them the same.

He loves his children no matter where they come from.  Some struggle to build a relationship with our creator because of roots and seeds of hurts and sin planted in their lives.  My own life, it took me years to get close to the Lord due to the garbage I carried. He never gave up on me. He loves, carries, and corrects me. He knows what I need to be set free. So I trust Him and keep laying it down till I don’t pick it up again. 

SERVANT

Being a servant of God. What does that intell? To me, it is doing whatever He asked. I trust Him that whatever He tells me to do will not be wrong. Serving my brother and sister is also serving Him. Yes, I have dreams and things I would like to do. My heart is full of His lessons and the testimonials that He has given me. I see me doing this and that, but I am content to do what I am doing for Him. If He wants me to do other things, He will open the door. His timing is better than mine.

When I do things to help others, it is not for me but for Him. My heart’s desire is to take as many people with me on this journey to see the king.

His Lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.
Matthew 25:23 KJV
https://bible.com/bible/1/mat.25.23.KJV

Clutter

I was praying this morning. Had visions of clutter. Was trying to reach the Lord, but so many things were getting in the way. What I saw was garbage. This stuff did not amount to anything. It was just getting in the way.

The most important relationship in my life is with my creator and what comes with Him. Then my husband and my children. Most of my life, it has been upside down and cluttered with sin, abuse, addictions, etc. Part of my healing process I have been learning to make boundaries and pace myself. For years, I worked a lot to make ends meet, so I pushed myself and forgot what was important.

I have made my way back to the center where I am learning what is important. When I die, nothing can go with me. But people can. If I show people who God is and point them to Him and plant seeds in their hearts one day, we will meet in Heaven. It’s time for the clutter to go and let God have full control.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33 KJV
https://bible.com/bible/1/mat.6.33.KJV

Light Me UP

Your flame burns within me. Sometimes, it rages. Sometimes, it is a smoldering coal.

When I build a fire, it starts with dry wood and kindling. Some use lighter fluid and a match. I have seen gasoline used, which can be dangerous.

Put this in a spiritual experience. When we meet the Lord for the first time, we are the wood. We come to Him as we are. Some of us are dried up to the point that one strike will light us up. Others are soaken wet with sin it takes some holy ghost gasoline to burn it and dry it out to let the flame start burning. Jesus knows what it takes to save us. We are different but the same. Before we come to Him, He already knows us. He knows what hides away in our hearts. All it takes is us to trust Him and give ourselves away.

hello my friend

Life can be hard and distracting. My heart is full of lessons God has taught me. I feel trapped sometimes in the world I live in. What I mean is I have lived a life bouncing off one bad decision to another. It took me most of my young adult life to find the truth that I was missing. I have lived in the dark world of drugs and abuse with my first husband. We conceived and gave birth to 3 beautiful boys during those years. They suffered with me and others because of the sickness my ex-husband had. His addiction was his drugs, and he was mine. My heart ached for years for what I put my boys through. That is something I had to forgive myself for. My changing point was walking down the road in New Richland Hills back home from work when the spirit of God spoke to me.

The story behind this was that I moved there after my oldest son was murdered in Greenville, Texas. Finally, at this point in my life, I had severed ties with my ex-husband all together. I moved there because of a job I received at the local hospital, it was my youngest son and I. I was still lost in my pain of the life I was living. When my middle son came home, he went back to running with the gangs and drugs, so nothing really changed. We had found us a small local church that took us in. The reason I was walking my car broke down. The church was getting it fixed for me. What I heard was, “You have two choices. Go home and live for me or stay here and live for yourself.” Home is Brazoria County, Texas. I called my Dad and asked him to come get me. He came and picked us up. My life did not change overnight. God had to help me clean it up. It was full of a lot of emotional trash. I cried and cried as He cleaned me up. I finally figured out where I needed to be. I needed to be with my Lord.

My Testimony

I grew up in church and was taught about God’s love and accepted Jesus in my heart in third grade and received the baptism of the Holy Ghost around that time. I loved the Lord and even went around Freeport passing out tracks with my dad and sisters.

As I grew into a teenager and the enticement of the world set in. I became disappointed with the church world. The seeds that God had planted in me stopped growing. I became angry and discouraged with my home life. Seeds of rebellion were planted through some decisions I made and grew like wild fire. I stepped off into a world where I did not belong. I married a man that I had no business with. He lived in an ungodly and violent world.

I was told by my first husband that he could not have children, so I prayed, and God listened. I became pregnant with my first son (Thomas Allen ). We were in and out of church. It was a tug a war for my soul and my family. We ended up with three boys (Thomas Allen, Terry Lee, Harley Spencer). My boys were my life in such a way that I lost myself.

We lived in an unhealthy environment. The more I tried to fix things, the worse it would get. I felt like I just had bad luck, and I was meant to be stepped on and miserable. I was addicted to my husband at that time (another word for codependency). I was also addicted to pain and played the victim. I did not realize I was being abused until my first stay in a women’s shelter. I finally realized I don’t have to accept the abuse. God used doctors, counseling, drugs, and a lot of love to get me out of the hole I was in.

Things changed in 2004. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, and I set their praying to my Father. I wanted to get close to Him again, not knowing what was about to happen next weekend. We had a home invasion. My boys and I were injured, and the two other minors that were there were scared to death. The worst of all was that my oldest son was killed that morning. It took the steam out of me but not enough to totally turn everything to God (was living in survival mode). I ended up moving to another town to get a fresh start.

I was walking home from work and thinking about everything. Life was still messed up as it was before I moved. The only difference is that I found a small church to go to.
I heard a voice talk to me. He told me I had two choices go home and live for Him or stay here and live for myself.
I knew that voice it was the voice of my Father, and I knew this time I better listen. I packed up the boys and went home to Brazoria County. It was not easy and took some time, but God helped flush out the bad and ugly out of my life and set up residence once again in my heart and life. I have the freedom now in my life I always wanted and the peace I searched for. I can not change my past or redo the wrong things I did, but at this moment, I can be forgiven if need to be. My life is full of my father’s joy, peace, and love.
I still battle with things from the past and present, but they are not what controls my life it is my Father who directs me and consumes me. I keep changing every day, and my desire is to be just my like my Daddy God.

D.D. Parsons 5/8/15